i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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