i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
you inspire me to be a worse person
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
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