You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
