Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize