I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
