His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize