did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
