Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize
