Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I would fuck him just for his dog
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
