Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
