i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
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