i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
