none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
When did angry sex become our thing?
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
