do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Randomize
