there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
