How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
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