Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Randomize
