He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
How's work?
Spinning.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
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