well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
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