He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
