I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
high people should be assigned attendants
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
