dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Randomize
