god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Randomize
