It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
