A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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