I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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