Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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