I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
