Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
