Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize