Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Randomize
