This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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