haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.