I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
My bed smells like the plague
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
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