When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
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Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
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threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...