Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.