This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
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I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
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The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Randomize
