what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
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