I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Someone shattered a urinal.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Randomize
