my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
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Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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