im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
