Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
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I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
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I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
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