apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Randomize
