Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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