every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
