nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
