you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
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