Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize