not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
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Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
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someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
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