i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Randomize
