i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Randomize
