but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
