you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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