Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Randomize
