moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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