I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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