The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
