I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Randomize
