I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
