we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Randomize
