My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
