So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
