I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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