No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
